Thursday, July 31, 2008

A Bright-mare

It's pretty sad when a Dream has to WAKE ME UP!

How many of us woman blame everything else but ourselves?
If you look at a happy newly engaged couple, they are vibrant, cuddly, in each others faces. It's kind of enough to make us puke. But remember we were there once too. How long does it take for those initial lust endorphines to fade away?

This is what I'm talking about ladies. The minute that ends, it's up to us to keep our minds in the right places. I have veered. I began to believe I wasn't good enough, stopped getting my hair done. Stopped working out. Stopped looking at my husband the way I used to. Why? Because he was mean to me? No I had no excuses but my own. I hate my excuses. They are so easy to get wrapped up in to focus on instead of the truth.

I was impatient, mean, hateful, and what for? Why did my husband seem so far away? Not because of him, because I was pushing him away with my insecurities that I built up for myself.

When do you stop flirting? Never. Keep that going. Keep taking care of yourself. It's important for your well-being and for your family. A happy mom makes a happy home. I forgot how good it feels when you get home from a workout and you're red-faced. I sleep a lot less and get a lot more work done.

This is tough. It's hard to say, that's me. I did this. I realized all of this because I had a dream last night. It probably started where my insecurities were peaked in my life. Middle school was the scene. Actually I believe it was a reunion that had everyone from middle school but we were grown up.
So there I was spending all my energy on trying to find the friends I thought I had, when all along I never had any real friends. This is my dream, not in real life so if any of my real friends today, this isn't pertaining to you. But you know how you spend so much energy on yourself and not really developing friendships? And wondering why you aren't having a group around you? Well this was the situation.

Well the entire time my husband was playing around with his old friends. I came up to him lonely and defeated at the end of the reunion. He was happy as a lark. And there was a girl there. A beautiful girl. She asked me who I was and why was I sitting next to my husband. I said because we're married. She looked at me disgusted and said well you haven't been with him the entire night. I was so mad at her for saying that but this is true.

For my life. How many days do we spend getting ourselves in shape, picking out the perfect wedding dress, writing love notes, taking care of everything for sometimes years planning one day. Our wedding day for the one we love. Then when the marriage comes, what do we do? Does that energy go away? Just ask yourself that question.

So here I am back in my dream focused on this gorgeous girl. Jealousy sets in. I make sure and flirt with my husband. It doesnt' matter. He is already lured in my the jezebel. I know it and in a way its my fault. I still get caught up in my dream evening trying to figure out why all my friends left me sittign by myself. I was caught up in myself and in my head. Therefore I'm left alone. Makes sense to anyone watching. But not me. While I'm caught up in my head, my husband and the jezebel leave at some point. She had noticed my distraction and took him away.

I went searching for him in my dream and found them making out. Then I grabbed the jezebel and tried to enforce violence. Why does that happen? Even if that happens in real life, we never look at the guy? I guess because we understand the intentions of the woman. We look at her as she ruined our lives. But did she? Was that her fault? My husband in my dream would never do that in real life. But that is my insecurity. That is my real life fear. That someday I will push him away enough where he starts opening his mind and entertaining the thought of a loving woman who will appreciate him. Why not?

This made me very angry and very frustrated. I know its just a dream, but I'm thankful for it. It gave me the motivation I needed sadly to start back to getting back to finding me and enjoying my loving husband and family and lot more than I do. I am done whining. At least I'm going to make an attempt at it.


Crystal said...

That was good Liz! Thanks for writing and sharing!! I didn't know you had a blog. I have one's I added you as my favorite links :) Looking forward to reading more!

Sharon said...

Wow! I'm engaged to be married now and we look at each other that way; the thing is I have been worried that we might stop feeling that way about each other. This is a really good post, thanks for sharing. And for adding me to your links. . . I'll definitely be back for more!